In the Ministry of Love
by Serpent Folmae
Summary: It's almost ironic that my most random and stupid fic ever written would be based on one of the most sophisticated books I've ever read. This story's based on an alternate scenario when Winston is being cured by O'Brien. Rated M for swears. Review pwease.


Disclaimer: I did not write nor have anything to do with the publishing of this novel.

Note: I was assigned this book two days ago in everyone's favorite English 10 honors class, and finished it…a little early. So if you disagree with some of the crap here, that's because I really hadn't had the time to analyze and reflect on the story. Wait, what am I talking about, this is a humor random-eccentric fic…

**In the Ministry of Love**

Winston was in a state of unawareness. He could not speak, talk, think, or even hate. Although he would of liked to tell O'Brien how much he loathed the traitorous bastard. Actually, he wouldn't need to, since O'Brien appeared to fancy himself a damn mind reader.

"I know the hatred you feel toward me right now, Winston. You cannot hide such a materialistic emotion such as this. Do you not understand that hatred is merely an extension of the lunacy that thrives inside you? We have to cure that. Here at the Ministry of Love a feeling such as hate does not fit. We only need love, Winston, love, love, love. 3, 3, 3."

Winston had the urge to vomit even before O'Brien broke out into the strange binary speech that he sometimes did. A sub-pronunciation for words of Newspeak, the large man readily claimed. Winston realized his voice was beginning to recover from the huge electrical currents that ravaged his body only moments ago. Something from the last charge must of disoriented Winston's thinking patterns and general grasp of logic, for he found himself…acting quite different than normal, if normal was the word for it.

"Oh yeah, O'Boob? Well can you tell what I'm thinking NOW?"

O'Brien seemed to miss the rather intended misspelling of his name and squinted hard at Winston. Winston concentrated, trying desperately to hold and direct only one statement in his mind.

_**You love Russian child porn.**_

"I love…Russi-what the hell! What are you getting at with this, Winston!"

"What I'm getting at is that you submit constantly to your pedophilic urges! And to the seeds of your enemy, no less, considering that Russia is situated within Eurasia!"

"Dammit, I told you we were at war with Eastasia, Eurasia were our allies all along!"

"What difference does it make what child is in which country which is on which side, you still wanna bone them you sick freak of nature!"

At that moment O'Brien seemed to lose all his composure, his cool nature; he simply begun to resemble the Incredible Hulk in a strange sort of way.

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THE INFORMATION FOR THESE ACCUASATIONS!"

"J-Julia told me! When she was working at _Pornosec _you were there _everyday_. And you always asked for the same thing, "Ogle Little Olga"! Buying that sick crap is the same, if not worse, than me purchasing my diary, you hypocritical shit!"

"Lies! Stupid lies you hear me! I'm going to electrocute you so freaking hard you won't even remember anymore! And there's no evidence, you can prove nothing! We can CHANGE the past, dammit!"

"Ogle Little Olga! Ogle Little Olga! Ogle Little Olga! Am I voicing your sick desires well enough, O'Boob!"

With a roar of rage, O'Brien whipped out a pistol from his cavernous body.

"Forcing you to love Big Brother be damned! I'm killing you right here and now!"

Winston smiled. A fool to the end. Was it so hard to see that a bullet was what Winston had truly desired all along? He accepted it with a feeling of bliss, he had lived a heretic, and he would die one. But before the trigger was pulled, there was a sudden explosion.

"…wutfux!"

When the smoke and debris cleared the figure standing before them was none other than…Goldstein!

"Dunununununununununun nunah…GOLDSTEEEEIIIIN! It's the Brotherhood to the rescue, biznitches!"

"OMFGWTFBBQ THE BROTHERHOOD EXISTS?"

O'Brien was thrown into a frenzy of shock, rage, and sudden desire for supple young toddler flesh. But it was mostly shock, I guess. Winston fared a slightly better reaction. With the fact that he had had so many electrical volts shot through his body that most of his nerves had disintegrated, he wholly wouldn't give any more of a damn if the Kool-Aid man had just burst through the wall.

"That's right we exist! And something I forgot to mention is that the Brotherhood is entirely composed of…NINJAS!"

With shrill and high-pitched Japanese screams of insanity ninjas flew everywhere and started to flip out and cut the heads off of all the guards and scientists without even caring. (A/N: Yeah, ripped from RUP, sue me not.) When the work was all done, Goldstein ran over and released Winston from his imprisonment, who still really did not care what was happening.

"Winston! Alas, we meet! However we have not time to discuss things for now we and all the proles of Oceania must fuse together to create the ultimate Oraganinini ROBO, and destroy the Party in one fell swoop!"

Winston blinked.

"This is absolutely retarded."

"So glad you are with us! Now, FUUUUSSSIIIOOOOOOOOONNNNNZZZAKNG!"

And so then Winston, Goldstein, the Brotherhood ninjas, and all the proles suddenly went sort of liquidated (You know those Capree-Sun whatever commercials? Think that.) and all flew together until they formed arguably the most homo-eccentric bipedal robot ever to be fathomed. It formed its hands together and a beam of light began to form.

"KAMEEEEHAAAAMMEEEEKAAAKAKAJIIJIJIWHALEWEINERHAAAAAAA!"

And a wave of pure orgasmic light engulfed all of the entire universe, but for some overcomplicated stupid plot hole filling reason only the real bad evil members of the Party were harmed, and if Big Brother did indeed ever exist, he sure as hell didn't now. Once it was all over, the robot I don't even want to call by name dissipated into all the people that had formed it. The ninjas, their job being done, all committed honorable seppuku for a reason no one to this day knows why. Except for Goldsten, he flew into a black hole to explore the depths of outer space forever.

Winston stood alone outside what had used to be the Ministry of Love. He didn't feel any need to look back at the situation in retrospect, not now, not ever. Idly he lit a Victory Cigarette. All the tobacco fell out. He looked to the side to see Julia standing next to him. She scratched her head, searching for words.

"So, uh, that whole thing was kind of…"

She hadn't really thought up that far of what she was going to say. If she devoted her whole life to the task she probably still would come up with nothing. Indeed, the awkward silence that ensued probably described the event that had just occurred better than anything in the dictionary, Newspeak and Oldspeak alike.

"So, wanna have sex?"

"Yeah."

fin

Final notes: …Oh god, what compelled me to write this? Well, I figured that 1984 really needed a happier ending. This sort of…stretches that idea ever so slightly. I guess in the end if 1984 really did have a happy la la land ending it wouldn't of made as much of an impact towards society. George Orwell probably wrote it more as a warning to the power-hungry, rather than for a fun read. Argh, what the crap am I talking about, this rambling shit belongs on an essay or something. And please please please please please review. It makes me feel happy inside, and not in the O'Boob way.

Proof-read Count: 1 (Done as always by myself, and only once because I wholly do not feel this abomination of a story deserves more. Whine if you will.)


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